I believe marriage is the most scariest adventure we can experience in life. You meet someone and decide to spend the rest of your life with them – unconditionally (sort of)
So, the other day.. Someone on my Facebook posted a status asking whether we would prefer love or arranged marriage. I instantly replied saying that I would prefer love marriage as I believe a known devil is better than an unknown angel.
India as a country is at that stage, where a lot of families have warmed up to the idea of their children bringing home someone they want to spend their lives with. Which is great! In fact, the recent matrimonial ad posted by LGBT activist Harrish Iyer’s mother, in a newspaper looking for a groom for her gay son – took coolness to another level. Made many of us proud – he got many proposals – I am sure, it gave a lot of other gay people courage to be themselves and still not miss out on lifetime commitment with someone they love.
Bringing back to the Love v/s arrange thing. I don’t know which one is statistically a better option, but everyone must know that neither option can guarantee a successful marriage. As long as we accept that, we will be able to broaden our outlook and let lovers love and eventually get married. I say this, because I know dozens of couples who couldn’t end up marrying each other due to “Family problems”. What problems you ask? Religion, caste, communities being different somehow seems to indicate that two people can’t keep each other happy. I have no idea if that can be backed by any proof, but ok.
A couple of my friends have got married in the past few years.. There are some who had a love marriage, while others who went with arrange marriages. I see them equally happy – living in the newness of the entire thing. Personally, arrange couldn’t ever be an option for me since I need to know a person really well before I can decide to spend the rest of my life with them. I think arrange marriages come with some “Image Management” where in the person you meet is at their best behavior, because they wish to marry you. As against to love – where you know a LOT more about someone, and still see a future with them. I am sure that once the wedding vows are taken , everything changes – whether you know the person for 1 year or 10 years.. but I would still be with a person who understands me, knows my moods, preferences etc. It gives me a certain comfort in knowing that we chose to be with each other in spite of all the imperfections we both have.
I don’t mean to say that love marriages are the better choice or the way to a successful marriage. There are couples who stuck together for a decade with each other before marriage and couldn’t bear to spend even a month together after marriage. Yes, that’s as odd as it can get. No one can tell you if it would work or not – you may have a hunch about it. That’s all. Don’t listen to Pundits and Babas, if you really love someone or like someone you met via arranged marriage meetings – just go for it.
Marriage after all, is the biggest leap of faith you will ever take in your life.